


Rage Off

by gunslingaaahhh



Series: Rage [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-10
Updated: 2011-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:19:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunslingaaahhh/pseuds/gunslingaaahhh





	Rage Off

Steve had managed to pass out only minutes after Danny had left. Danny, on the other hand, was wound up, his mind racing. He always over-thought things, over-complicated them, made them bigger than they needed to be. In more than a few instances, these sorts of reactions were unwarranted.

  
This instance, though, this instance definitely warranted the brain stewing. Steve had said it wouldn't be weird, that he wouldn't make it weird, but that was _Steve_ , and Steve was very good at hiding how he was feeling, what he was thinking. Danny... not so much. He wore his heart and his emotions on his sleeve, and as much as his partner would try and pretend it wasn't weird, Danny knew it would be.

How not? He'd fucked Steve in the ass. You don't just walk away from that and act like everything is normal. Steve probably would, but there was something monumentally _wrong_ with Steve, something that was probably on a molecular level, and so he wasn't a good way to gauge anything, ever.

Danny paced inside his tiny apartment, running his fingers through his hair out of habit, the blonde strands becoming more and more unruly. Thinking so hard sometimes gave him a terrible headache, and right now he was exhausted, it was almost five in the morning and he had to be at HQ in a few hours. Trying to go to sleep would be pointless; his brain wasn't ready to shut down and he couldn't sleep until it did. Instead, Danny resigned himself to at least taking a hot shower, since he'd been in the same clothes since he'd gotten up the morning before. God, it felt like days ago instead of hours, since he got that voicemail from Rachel.

A thought stopped him halfway into the bathroom, that was he probably still had a little bit of Steve on him, and a strange mewling sound escaped from the back of his throat. Oh God, _Steve_. Steve who had willingly offered his body up to Danny to use as he saw fit. What would have happened if he _did_ choose the violent path, had smashed his fist into Steve's jaw again and again? The catharsis would have been the same, he was sure of that, but would have felt like as much of a douche bag? Hurting Steve that way was one thing; Steve had been trained to withstand all sorts of things. Being smashed in the face had to be one of them.

Plowing into him, though, _fucking_ him... he hadn't been thinking about whether or not the other man was going to be hurt. Sure, he'd made quick mention of discomfort at the beginning, but Danny had quickly remedied that and things had gone more or less smoothly right up until he pulled out. But what if there had been damage done internally? Part of him doubted that; Steve's demeanor would've changed immediately and Danny wouldn't be standing in his shower, motionless, thinking; he'd be at the hospital, probably with Steve in the ER.

So, ok, Steve wasn't physically injured by their... activities. But what about mentally, emotionally? Danny groaned and leaned against the tile of the shower stall, thumping his forehead against it. _There I go again_ , he thinks. He couldn't describe how he was feeling mentally or emotionally at that point even if he had a gun in his face. Steve was even less liberal with his words, and there was a chance Danny would never know how Steve felt about it, deep down.

The water was starting to lose it's heat, so Danny quickly stepped out before it got too cold and dried off, walking naked into the main room of his apartment. He considered the two piles of clothes on the floor: bedtime things, work things. He had approximately an hour before his alarm would go off and he'd have to get ready for work. What would be the point in putting on pajamas, then? He didn't like the idea of laying around in his professional clothes, though, so instead he donned a clean pair of undershorts and a tank top before settling down onto his bed. He'd get dressed when the alarm went off.

~*~

Steve had arrived at HQ first, as he always did. Kono and Chin noticed nothing odd about him aside from the fact that he sequestered himself in his office. They hadn't gotten any calls, and there were no leads to follow up on, so really the day would be slow, which was fine. There was always paperwork to catch up on, things to research.

Danny walked in an hour late, a frown darkening his face. Kono waved hello but was ignored as Danny made his way to his own office. He shut his door and slumped into his chair before folding his arms on the desk and resting his head against them. Steve watched this, his expression only tinged with worry before going back to whatever it was he was looking at. His attention was drawn up again when Chin entered his office, closing the door behind him.

"What's going on this morning?"

"... what do you mean?"

"You've barely said a word to anyone, and Danny looks like a kid who's mom just told him Santa isn't real. Did you guys have a fight about yesterday?"

Steve was silent, considering. There was no way he'd ever tell Chin or Kono about last night, or rather, that morning, ever. That was strictly between him and Danny.

"No, we didn't fight. I mean, I told him what his options were and what I thought he should do, but other than that things turned out fine. He was a wreck, a nervous wreck, and who can blame him? But in that state of mind, a person is more likely to make a mistake, a _stupid_ mistake, and I talked him down from that."

Chin is regarding him silently, arms folded across his chest. He's reading Steve, reading him in that way he has, mentally cataloging and filing away. After a beat he nods and claps his hands together, a small smile forming on his face.

"That's great! Just making sure nothing too stupid happened, that's all."

"I appreciate you looking out for us, man," Steve replies, hoping he looks as relaxed as he doesn't feel.

Chin nods and leaves the office, the door slightly ajar. Steve huffs out a huge breath and looks at the paper in his hands. Having to account for his every action seems to be in direct disagreement with the fact that the governor gave him immunity, but whatever, law enforcement was also politics.

He catches a glimpse of movement and sees Danny is sitting up and rubbing at his face. Truth be told, he looks like shit, and Steve is worried that his little offering did more of a number on the other man than he'd initially intended. Now is not the time to talk about it, though. No, if they need to discuss things it's better to do it when they're alone.

~*~

Danny is moving at a snail's pace, his brain and body exhausted. He had dozed off almost immediately when he got out of the shower, and slept right through his alarm. He'd woken in a blind panic when he realized that something was off and he'd been asleep. _Great, why don't I just draw more attention to myself,_ he thought with a scowl as he'd hurriedly gotten dressed and flown to the office. Now he was here, at his desk, staring blankly at the same piece of paper. The words muddled together, swimming in his vision. Oh, he was so tired. He wanted nothing more than to crawl under his desk and take a nap; he could fit under there, he was fairly certain.

A knock at his door draws him from his reverie, and he almost bites his tongue when he sees it's Steve standing in the doorway, a cloud of worry on his face. Danny doesn't speak, just sits there, and Steve takes that as his cue to come in. He closes the door behind him and sits in the chair opposite the desk, an odd move; normally he'd have just plunked down on the edge of the desk, but there seems to be a need for distance, and Danny feels miserable all of a sudden.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Does it _look like_ I've slept?"

Steve takes the acidic retort in stride, reclining in his chair.

"No, it doesn't. You look like shit; you could've just stayed home, you know. It isn't like we have a million things to do here."

"Not show up and draw attention? Yeah, great idea."

"I would've covered for you."

Danny's eyes snap over to Steve's face and they narrow, glaring at him. Steve's face doesnt change, he just sits there, waiting.

"And said what, exactly? That I was too much of an over-emotional bitch last night after we... after we _talked_ and had to take the day?"

"I would've come up with something, it isn't like the others wouldn't have understood," Steve says, shrugging.

Danny doesn't respond, just takes a stack of papers in hand and pretends to read them, hoping Steve will just... go away. He doesn't want to be _that guy_ and push the other man away, he's just too overtired to deal with him.

"Listen, Danny, about last night--"

"I'm not talking about that right now."

"We should, though, at some point, don't you think? I can tell you want to, I can tell that _needing_ to is what kept you up all night. I know I said we didn't have to talk about it... but clearly if you don't talk something out you get emotionally constipated and the rest of us don't need to deal with that."

"I'm emotionally constipated? _Me?_ Oh, that is rich, really."

"I'm just trying to say that things don't have to be different. We can even... pretend it didn't happen... if you want."

"Are you kidding me? How, pray tell, do I go about blocking that from my memory, Steven? Do you have some super SEAL mind tricks to make that go away?"

Steve's face drops a little, and he suddenly looks as tired as Danny feels. He rubs at his face with his hands, trying to find the words to say what he's feeling and coming up empty. Danny is right, he _is_ emotionally constipated; mentally, emotionally, verbally.

"I don't want us to not be able to be _friends_ anymore because of it, ok? I'm not saying it needs to bring us closer and we need to get married and have a house, a dog, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I just... I don't want you to hate me for thinking I was helping you when in reality I made everything worse..." Steve trails off, eyes dropping to the floor to study his boots. He can't look at Danny, all of a sudden.

"You didn't... make anything _worse_. I'm not sure how you made it _better_ , exactly... hmm. I think you evened the playing field, if nothing else. I was off kilter, and now I'm not. I wasn't expecting those... methods."

"So why are you so angry at me now?"

"Angry? I'm..." Danny pauses, wanting to say he isn't angry, not in the slightest, he's fucking terrified is what he is, but sees the look on Steve's face and stops. His behavior is pointing to him being angry, for regretting taking Steve up on his offer, for giving into weakness and kissing Steve on the cheek before he left for the night.

"I'm not angry at you, babe, ok. I'm not. I just... it was such a rush while it was happening and then I'm home by myself and it's just me and my thoughts. My brain didn't wanna shut down, all I could do was think about how much I may have damaged you, how what we did is so not ok, how much trouble we could get into."

"We can't get into trouble for something only the two of us know about, Danno. And you didn't 'damage' me. I'm fine... I was kind of shaken up, yeah, but otherwise I'm fine. Everything still works," Steve says, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth.

Danny leans against the desk and rests his elbows on it. He's contemplating his next words, now, not wanting to sound like a douche bag and still get his point across.

"I... appreciate... what you let me do. I don't think I could ever be comfortable enough to give myself up like that--"

"I did it because I trust you."

"I know that, lemme finish, ok? I thought about it, haven't _stopped_ thinking about it, and I know it was like a little sacrifice and I thank you, I do. But... as for letting you know about whether or not I'm slipping... can't we go, I dunno, kick boxing or something? I love you, you moron, I do, but... not like that. Not in a way that would let me do that to you, again, and be ok with it. Once is a fluke, you know? But twice, or more than that... I can't." Danny's hands have been moving and they now flop bonelessly onto the desk. He can't think of anything else to say, and part of him is afraid Steve is going to be hurt by his words and so he braces himself for it.

Steve absorbs the words, feels a slight blush creeping up his neck, feels a slight pang of regret, but brightens when Danny gets up from his desk and comes around to wrap his arms around Steve's shoulders.

"You're like my best friend here, you ape."

"I know."

"That much can be enough, though, ok?"

"Ok."

They've reached an agreement, and Steve decides that, yeah, kick boxing might not be a bad idea. He knows of a few gyms on the island that boast that sort of thing, as well as all sorts of  types of martial arts. He gets excited about the idea, then, and feels his tension wash away. Suddenly things feel back to normal, Danny is smiling and making some joke about how he's got some tricks of his own and Steve's ninja skills got nothing on his game.

Steve smiles, because now he knows everything is going to be alright.


End file.
